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Washington (WC) - In a letter to CIA Director George Tenet, the Leaders of the House Intelligence Committee charge that the CIA relied on outdated and fragmentary information in building the case that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, was getting more, and had to be stopped. They also allege that too much of the case was based on old information gathered before the UN weapons inspectors kicked themselves out of Iraq.

To answer the charges, National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice condescended to the nation on Fox News Sunday to inform it that accurate, up to date facts can be extrapolated from stale, incomplete intelligence. "There was enrichment of the intelligence from 1998 over the period leading up to the war," Rice explained patiently. "[A]nd nothing pointed to a reversal of Saddam Hussein's very active efforts to acquire weapons of mass destruction," at which point the Fox host looked at the camera and said, "SEE?".

Enrichment Of Intelligence
Despite being one of the time-honored cornerstones in making a case for war, intelligence enrichment is scarcely understood, or indeed recognized, by the general public. So with the assistance of unnamable sources, The Weekly Canard set out to learn how intelligence enrichment fits into the broader "case for war" process.

Busy Beavers!
In addition to a technologically advanced nuclear weapons program, the Bush administration cooked up 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent, and unpiloted drones to deliver them!

New York (WC) - Promised dates of return are ignored. Daily attacks come from unidentified assailants. Fellow soldiers go home with mystery ailments. It's hot. It's dry. It sucks. Morose morale has been a continuing problem with our troops in Iraq and war-backers are none too pleased. Politicians and pundits alike are trying to ease the tension by offering 2-week leaves and writing glowing appraisals of our humble humanitarian mission, but there's something else that's glaringly absent from the war this time around: the sexy pin-up poster.

These seductive icons are inextricably linked with wars past, having found their way into the lockers, hearts, and dreams of our troops. For years, pinups have been strong psychological motivators that work on men's primitive drive to win and protect their women by conquest," says Dr. Zachary Kaufman, professor of psychology at West Point. "These are natural instincts and urges that we should use to our advantage."

Answering the call comes a group of neo-con warriors. Casting aside concerns of political correctness, they've decided to print alluring shots of women and distribute them in selected test markets in Iraq. "I'm ever so disappointed that I can't be fighting there myself," lamented psychopathic war advocate Charles Krauthammer, "so I'm very pleased to be a part of this project."

The first 'bombshell for the troops' is Ann "Orexia" Coulter, who posed for a series of "tasteful yet tantalizing" shots. "Finally we'll have something for our sex-starved men to salivate over," grinned The Weekly Standard's William Kristol. But the menu has been less than appetizing for some: "I like a woman I can sink my teeth into, complained PFC Steven Driscoll in Tikrit, "not one I can pick my teeth with." A series of columnist Mona Charen has yet to make it out of the graphic artist's photoshop files.

A group of libertarians announced that New Hampshire was the chosen land for 20,000 Americans to create a "free state." New Hampshire, whose motto is "Live Free Or Die," was picked because the group felt that the erosion of the Bill of Rights would be almost perceptibly slower than in the rest of the country, project

Vice President Elizabeth McKinstry said."We hope to move to the state and start transforming it into a national model for small government, few laws, and individual liberty," which led state Democratic Party chairwoman Kathy Sullivan to declare that the libertarians "can best be described as anarchists." Republican governor Craig Benson was thrilled that his state was chosen for its relative appreciation for the concept of "freedom," but Sullivan scoffed at the idea: "I mean, our slogan may be 'Live Free Or Die,' but it's not like we mean it LITERALLY!" Ms. Sullivan, who describes herself as "solidly pro-choice," is spearheading a campaign to change the state's motto to "Live Free Or Don't."